Mommy Part 1
by absoluteleigh
Summary: Dawn deals with the death of her mother.


Dawn wanted to scream. She had a right to, didn't she? Her mother lay dead in a drawer twenty miles down the road in some hospital, and she was expected to sit at the table and eat her dinner? Buffy had been a cold shell of herself, more than usual in fact, since yesterday afternoon when she had picked Dawn up from school. Buffy had tried to be gentle, but how gently could someone be told that her mother was dead? Gone. Forever. Dawn hadn't cried, but as the words came out of Buffy's mouth in a rush, everything around her fell away. The words repeated in her head painfully in slow motion. When reality finally sunk in, Dawn's knees buckled and she crashed to the cold linoleum floor.

"_Sweetie, do you want eggs for breakfast?"_

"_No, mom. I'll just grab some toast. I'm going to be late."_

Buffy had driven them straight to the hospital. Dawn fastened her seat belt and sat quietly in the car the entire trip. Buffy tried to talk to Dawn several times on the way, but Dawn only stared blankly out the window.

When the pair entered the hospital waiting area, everyone was there. Xander was the first to approach her.

"Hey Dawnie," he barely whispered as he softly hugged her. She accepted it, but said nothing. Anya was next. Her embrace was quite awkward and maybe even a little harsh, but that was Anya and Dawn appreciated that she was always the same. Giles had immediately attended to Buffy, but he didn't forget Dawn. He wrapped her into a side hug and kissed the top of her forehead. Willow was crying. Big red splotches covered her eyes and her mascara was running a bit. When she grabbed onto Dawn, Dawn's first instinct was to comfort Willow. Dawn's mother had died, but she was worried about Willow being sad. She wrapped her long arms around Willow's shoulders and squeezed. Hopefully that would be enough. She still said nothing. And then there was Tara. Sweet and mild Tara who quietly followed behind Willow. Tara was the most sincere person Dawn had ever met. She was almost closer to a sister than Buffy was. Her hug was tender and kind. Dawn could hug Tara forever. But then everyone's attention was on Buffy.

Everyone wanted to know if Buffy had talked to the doctor, if Buffy needed anything, what could they do for Buffy. Dawn simply made her way over to a chair and slumped down into it. She closed her eyes and inhaled slowly and blew it out. No tears yet. No hurt. No nothing. When was she going to _feel_ something? Her mother was dead and the only thing she felt was sympathy for all the others around her who were upset. A few moments later, she did feel something. Realizing she needed to go to the restroom, she stood and started making her way.

"Where are you going?" Buffy asked softy.

Dawn turned to her and weakly pointed in the direction of the ladies room.

"Do you need someone to go with you?"

Dawn furrowed her eyebrows and shook her head. She still remembered how to pee.

After she was finished, she stood in the bathroom for a long time staring at her reflection in the mirror. She looked at her eyes willing for the tears to come. Her hands were only the slightest bit shaky. _Maybe I'm in shock._ Frustrated, she went to the sink and turned on the faucet and splashed the cold water onto her face. She slowly blotted away the moisture and pushed her way out of the bathroom.

As she was making her way back to the waiting area, something caught Dawn's eye. A door with a large sign. MORGUE. Her heartbeat began to quicken a bit as she thought about what she was about to do. Or try to do. Surely the morgue was a restricted area. The little keypad to the right of the door gave it away. But then, an orderly exited out of the door and made his way out of sight down another hallway. Dawn's feet took off almost without her as she sprinted to the closing mechanical door. She was able to kick her foot in just before it shut and slide her way inside. It was cold. Goosebumps raised on her arms and she quickly began to shiver slightly. The hallway seemed an eternity long, but she tediously made her way to the double doors that sat before her.

When she arrived, she paused. She peered into the window of the doors and her breath caught in her chest. _There are bodies in there. Dead bodies. Lying under those sheets._ She didn't know which one was her mother. Did she want to know? Dawn deliberated in her head. Of course she did. Why else did she come down here?

She slowly pushed open the swinging door and was attacked with a sickening smell. _Dead bodies._ Dawn began to tremble. This was a bit too real for her. What was she trying to accomplish? Once again her brain jumped to her feet as she found herself walking forward to the gurneys. Luckily she noticed that the bodies were labeled. This made her relax. Only a little bit. She kept as far away from the bodies as she could, only stepping forward slightly to examine the name tags attached to the sheet. Finally she spotted the name she was looking for. SUMMERS, JOYCE. She had always hated seeing her own name written like that. It made her feel un-human, like she wasn't really a person. She didn't like seeing her mother's name like that either.

This was the moment she was waiting for. She wanted to see her mother one last time didn't she? One shaky breath, and Dawn slowly pulled down the white sheet. She was surprised when she found her mother's eyes open and looking straight toward the ceiling. _Why did they leave her eyes open? _It made her mother look alien. Like she wasn't real. Her skin was a bit blue too. Dawn tilted her head to the side. _I want to hold your hand, Mommy._ She grabbed the sheet once more and hiked it up so she could see her mother's left hand. It was cold, but still so very soft like her hands had always been. She placed both her warm hands around her mother's cold one. Dawn closed her eyes and smiled bitterly. _I'm so sorry Mommy. I love you so much. _

_And then an equally cold hand came down hard on her throat, and Dawn lost her breath._


End file.
